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my name is sydney, but you can call me syd.


me to we, part two

weeks passed, and they were filled with brandtly. overflowing with him!! i could not get enough. sometimes we would watch netflix, sometimes we would get all-you-can-eat sushi, and sometimes we would just talk and laugh for hours. it didn't matter to us, as long as we were together. the holidays came and went. winter semester started. i checked off my new year resolution to get out of the country in 2015 early by booking a plane ticket to spain for that summer. 

one of my favorite memories of us (even now!) was when i was auditioning for a big piano scholarship at school. i had to prepare four classical pieces and perform them for the head of the piano department. i spent HOURS preparing and was pretty nervous when the big day finally rolled around. i put on my fancy black piano-playing dress and completed my audition. as i walked out of the concert hall, i saw brandtly waiting for me, dressed in a suit, and holding a bouquet of flowers. my heart exploded!! we drove up to salt lake and ate at a fancy sushi restaurant (i realize this is my second time bringing up sushi and i'm only two paragraphs in. this frequency is not indicative over how big a role sushi plays in our relationship. .... actually, yes. yes it is). after, we went to costco and got chocolate cake. life was so good! we were PERFECT together, and i could feel that our relationship was ready to progress to the next level and i could not wait!

and then my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

and then brandtly and i broke up.

by then, it was march and i was miserable. my mom and brandtly were the two most supportive, most loving, and most solid people in my life, and i felt like they were both taken away from me at the same time. (more about that fun part of my life here!)

i stayed in utah for the rest of the semester. this was very hard, all things considered, but i was determined to not quit when life got hard. half of my time was split between trying to avoid brandtly and trying to run into brandtly. the other half was spent facetiming my mom, when she had the time and the energy. i prayed for time to speed up so i could go home to be with her. i prayed that brandtly and i would be able to get back together. i prayed for my mom's life. i prayed that i would be able to get out of bed in the morning. i prayed for a lot of things that semester.

when the semester did end, i eagerly escaped utah and returned to arizona. home. i hugged my mom, ate some awesome tacos, and hugged my mom some more. the doctors were optimistic about my her conditions. she encouraged me to board my flight to spain as i had planned in january. since she had already had her major treatments and surgeries, i agreed. i was grateful for the ~wanderlust~ i had in january, because traveling to a beautiful, foreign place seemed to be the perfect cure for my broken heart.

i still ached for brandtly every day. since the day we broke up in march, i didn't see him again. the only times we talked were when i reached out to him via text message. i was always the one to start the conversation, and always the one to finish it. the night before i left for spain, i completely broke down. in my mind, while illogical, i felt as though me leaving the country was admitting that a future with him was impossible. i was certain that he would forget about me, especially since he was working in texas for the entire summer. i fell asleep that night with tears on my face and my passport in my hands.

phoenix to LA, LA to london. spent a day in london. then london to madrid. spent a week in madrid, then took a train down south to sevilla, where i would be living for the following months. europe is every bit as lovely as you would think. i was surrounded by culture, architecture, music, art, and churros con chocolate every day. but brandtly was everywhere. his blue eyes were in monet's "water lilies" in the museo nacional de prado. his scent lingered on my clothes, despite the time and the miles that were not between us. i was in the most beautiful place. but the only place i wanted to be was with him. and he hadn't even made an effort to speak to me in over three months.

one day, i came home from lunch and opened my laptop to upload some pictures from my phone. my internet tab notified me that someone had messaged me on Facebook. i continued uploading the photos, checked instagram, checked twitter, probably checked instagram again, and then opened up my Facebook tab to see who had messaged me.

it was him. 


me to we, part three

me to we, part one