sometimes i feel like my baby hates me
OKAY, that's kind of dramatic. i don't feel like storie hates me. HOWEVER. sometimes i feel like she should love me more.
i am incredibly blessed to have a husband and extended family members that are INCREDIBLE. storie lucked out in the grandparent and cousin category fo sho. and her dad is truly unbeatable. whenever i hear about dads that refuse to change diapers or take care of their kids i'm like ....?!?!?!?!?!! blows my mind because brandtly is always so willing to do anything and everything. he's an amazing dad. naturally, storie adores him. as i do. but SOMETIMES, it makes me just a little bit sad. is that the most selfish thing you've ever heard or WUT. so many people make comments like "mama knows best" or "baby loves her mama" or if they try to hold storie and she cries, they say, "awww sweet girl just wants her mama". these comments are so well intended, but when storie doesn't want me to hold her or when she reaches for her dad or for her grandma, i feel like something is wrong with me. babies are supposed to love their moms MOST. their bond is supposed to be unique, inseparable, and unbreakable. i must not be a good enough mom if storie doesn't want me 24/7.
i realize how ridiculous this sounds as i'm writing it out. but in those random, infrequent moments when i feel that storie doesn't love me, it stings. i ran a poll on my instagram story earlier this week to see if other moms ever felt this way. i was surprised, saddened, and comforted by the results. 76% of the voters said that they also feel like their babies don't like them. 76%!!! it made me sad for you because i know how hard it can be to feel that way!! but it also made me feel a little bit better because it revealed that i am not alone in feeling this way. it happens to the best of us. it doesn't make us bad moms. it just makes us and our babies human. we all have good days and bad days.
so today, when storie lifted up her feet to avoid contact with the floor and growled when i tried to put her on the ground so i could do the dishes, it made me tear up. on another day, that might have frustrated me because i'm kind of a neat freak and get SUPER anxious if i'm not being super productive for 99.9% of my day. but not today. she didn't want me to put her down. she wanted me to hold her. she wanted me. so we cuddled for about five seconds (she hates cuddling), picked out all the marshmallows of our dry lucky charms cereal, and then chased each other around the couches and hid ping-pong balls for the rest of the hour.
if you feel like your kids hate you, know that 1) you're wrong and 2) you're not alone. it's not an abnormal feeling. MY INSTAGRAM POLL SAID SO. being a mom is hard and you are doing amazing at it! your kids are lucky to have you.